The End of an Era
So… for the first time since 2002, neither Marc nor I are involved in the USAP in an official capacity. The last time we weren’t either involved, we got married. And then we were drawn back. So here’s a brief history of time:
I became obsessed with Antarctica after I became obsessed with a certain someone who was there in 1996. After 3 years of long weekend trips, summer trips together, and a lot of IRC chat sessions (thanks, CJ!), I graduated from ASU with my MFA and went to work on the NBP (see-I am a true Antarctican with all my acronyms) for a winter cruise with Marc. I wrote 7 manuals in 6 weeks, and 13 poems. Antarctica was good and horrible for me. McMurdo was good and horrible for me and Marc. I was in McMurdo 1999-2000, and returned for contracts on board the NBP in 2000 and 2001. I taught a course called “Antarctic Literature” in 2001 and 2002. Marc and I went back to CO and to the USAP in 2003. I had 4 positions in total, made it to Palmer Station, South Pole Station, McMurdo Station, and both ice breakers. I worked on, farmed out, and begged about Little Oblivion, my manuscript of poems about this whole place/experience, even until now.
I love and hate the ice in a way only those who have gone time and again can appreciate. Some think of it as just another place and just another job; some think it’s the adventure of their lives; some think it’s the manifestation of hell on earth. I recognize it as a reflection of a geography inside of me, and leaving the program means leaving that part of me, at least for a while. I’ve had significant change happen to me each time I’ve gone south, and each time, I’ve come back a little bit different. After this last trip, when I came to some terms with the ice and its hold on me, and its ability to break me, easily, I knew it was time to step back from it. I will not write more about it, although I know the Ice will seep into my poetry from time to time. The ice gave me many gifts, not the least of which is a man who knows me as well as he knows the ice, who understands it even better than I do; and a plethora of people and places to write about.
Today, when I walked out the door, it was walking out the door of a job that has been more than challenging, pushy, ignorant, and downright despicable. But I also left some of the best friends I’ve had in my life, and I know I’ll stay in touch with them, but it will be harder now.
I start a new job on Monday. I hope it goes well. I’ve already started the new manuscript, so I’m ahead of the game.